Let’s Talk About Higher Standards. ‘Cause you needthat.
I see the girls are allowing themselves to be treated like anything again. Let’s go ahead address it. Read for the importance of standards and a step by step on how to set them.
Why Having Higher Standards for All Relationships Is Essential
Whether the relationship is platonic or romantic, standards are essential. We often associate standards with romantic relationships; but what about all of the other interactions we invest our energy into? Friends, family, coworkers— all of these relationships can impact our wellbeing just as much as a romantic partner. Think about it: would you tolerate a friend who constantly drains you? Or a family member who disrespects your boundaries. It’s crucial to have expectations for how you want to be treated in every relationship.
And let’s be clear, this isn’t about being rigid or inaccessible. Yes, life is short; and ultimately, nothing is that serious. However, for the short time we are alive on this earth, I encourage you to selectively surround yourself with people who make you feel the most seen, loved, and at ease.
How to Set Your Standards— Step by Step
The first step to creating standards for your relationship, is to create standards for yourself.
Remember, we have to deconstruct to reconstruct. The self-work and introspection always comes first.
By setting standards for yourself, you ensure consistency in your behavior, interactions, and relationships with others. Because you won’t let nobody play with you when you don’t play with yourself. #ClockIt. When you know your worth, you won’t deviate from your standards.
Firstly, it's essential to set standards or establish a vision for yourself. These might include actions, behaviors, thoughts, or characteristics that you will hold yourself accountable for. This vision will represent the person you are or are striving to become.
I will be more open minded.
I will prioritize self-care.
I will be more understanding.
I will continue to be compassionate.
I will commit to practicing small, daily acts of kindness towards others.
I will work listen with empathy instead of defensively.
I make a conscious effort to show appreciation for those around me.
Secondly, it’s important to consistently remind yourself and deeply engrave in your mind that you are deserving of the very best. Sometimes it’s hard to demand the best from others when we don’t subconsciously believe that we deserve the best. This isn't about creating a sense of entitlement, but about embracing your inherent value and self worth.
You can do this through affirmations, surrounding yourself with people who uplift you, or through actions! Engage in activities that you are passionate about and remind you of all that you are worth.
2. Reflect & Brainstorm
To create new, firm standards, it is important to reflect on your past experiences. Journaling can be a powerful tool here; so grab your pen and paper.
Start by reflecting on your past relationships and identifying patterns where your boundaries were crossed or your needs were unmet. Write down your feelings and experiences in as much detail as possible; and we will use this as a foundation to build your new standards.
3. Write ‘Em Down
After you’re done reflecting, it’s time to write them down. (I’m serious. Whether it’s in a journal or in your notes app, you need a physical list you can reference.)
When you’re writing, I suggest categorizing by relationship and/or by importance. Here are examples of categorizing by relationship:
Friendships: Expect honesty, support, mutual respect, and celebrating each other’s successes.
Romantic Relationships: Value communication, chivalry, respect for personal boundaries, and shared goals or values.
Family Relationships: Maintain boundaries around privacy, express gratitude and love on a consistent basis, expect respect for your choices, and ensure support without enabling negative behaviors.
Professional Relationships: Demand mutual respect, clear communication, recognition of contributions, and uphold professional boundaries.
Here are examples of categorizing by importance:
Non-negotiable: Selfless, God-fearing, genuinely kind, values integrity, demonstrates clear intentions, takes initiative, and goal oriented.
Important: Demonstrates assertiveness, demonstrates consistency in lifestyle, intellectual equal, good communicator, values patience, and spontaneity.
Preferred: Prioritizes family, values spontaneity, and financially literate.
Gentle Reminders
You will fail. You will deviate from the standards you set. And that’s okay. You’re human. But when it gets hard, remember these three things: 1. The things you allow when you’re broken, will disgust you when you’re healed. 2. Never allow loneliness to lower your standards. 3. You have no idea how good it can get; and you have no idea how many people walking this Earth are not only capable, but would be excited to be apart of your life.
You will push away some people: When you know what you deserve, you set a benchmark for how others should treat you. And not everyone will be capable of meeting your standards. And that’s okay! They’re just not meant for you in this season of your life. No hard feelings :)
Once again, having standards IS NOT about being inaccessible, being difficult, being selfish, being too demanding, being “hard-to-get”, or not being able to experience people freely. This article is dedicated to those who are ready to elevate their relationships and reclaim their sense of worth. It's for those who have endured the pain of being mistreated by others and have vowed never to allow themselves to feel that way again. For anyone who has felt diminished or belittled by the actions of others, this is a call to action to protect their peace and energy. It's a declaration of defiance against anyone who dares to treat them as anything less than deserving of respect and kindness.
This is for the fighters, the survivors, and the ones who refuse to be dragged back into the darkness they fought so hard to escape. It's a reminder that they have the power to set boundaries, to demand better treatment, and to surround themselves with people who uplift and support them.
So, to anyone who's been made to feel inadequate but is determined to rise above it, this is for you. Recognize your worth, define your standards, and don’t compromise on them.